Perspective

Not really sure how to start this because I don't really know how I feel about it. I started feeling kinda sicky around 8 days out. Yesterday at 7 days out, I wasn't going to workout. I knew I was feeling sick and didn't want to risk it. Just planned on a clean diet and rest. So, I decided to go to the gym and lay in the steam room for just a couple minutes. I got to the locker room, put on my swim suit and began to feel a tad light headed. I sat down. I felt like I was going to burp and did, and felt like it again only all the contents of my stomach came with it. I threw up all over the locker room. The front desk gal brought me a gatorade but I didn't know whether to drink it. I began to cry and helped clean up my mess...

But now, after training for 10 solid months and dieting for 17 weeks... At 7 days out, I get the flu.

After all my hard work. After all the sacrifices and lonely mornings in the gym. And my time to shine comes, and I push myself so hard that my immune system gives. Suck. I haven't been able to keep much down. And actually haven't been diligent about getting the necessary fluids down but have taken in electrolytes, thus... I am bloated.

And this has been a very emotional couple of days. I feel waves of disappointment and also peace. Sometimes I cry a lot over it and sometimes I am just fine with what I feel the outcome will be. But I am a do-er, and it is so hard to lay back and just wait during peak week. So hard.

What I am trying to remember in this, is that whatever I bring to the stage next Saturday will be my very best. No matter if it isn't what I thought it would be, no matter if it isn't what I wanted it to be. That gives me more to work for in the future. Stepping on stage is the real victory. All the trials we suffer make the victories that much sweeter.